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And life went on, it went on like a strange fugue, descended over my eyes, a forked path denying simple questions. What number of summers, I ask in December when the room is high-ceilinged, a tile stove, a bricked-in nostalgic sentence that speaks of the warmth of different conditions, as a junction where all the world’s words find the comparative of silence, the one that means. Should I crane my neck to look across a few more murky stanzas in order to see more clearly, but my eye, once again, conjures into the perspective the pinched soul of the Middle Ages. All that is left is a thirst of multiple senses, a cold study of sentences, bones.
Yes, even though speech is like trying to master a hundred-string guitar with ten fingers. Even though stories disguised as words no longer affect this time, drowned in its virtual dreams. Even though nights and days the same glacier of darkness spreads over the city.
Nevertheless I think something, hands balled up into fists, as I reach the edge of the park. All it is, the park, is a patch of humming forest nostalgia cut out the city. At the foot of a tree, a dog, its ears cocked in anticipation of the invention of the perpetuum mobile. In the tree’s armpit three purchased vowels whimper, and there is something else, too, in the air -- a line, unraveling from the eyes of an avian that has collided with winter.
Christmas morning and the sound of the decomposing year: another way of arriving in the fifth season. And at the edges of the park, leaning against the twilight, the church, the library and the mental hospital: right; all of life, but for the tavern. That mute park, that Christmas-less dog and the morning, so suddenly drafty. As if the world’s back door had remained ajar, as I, a bent question mark, walk my face through that door:
Behind what expression, today, could one deny recorded history? What great instrument travels even today across the firmament repeating an incomprehensible scale?
How does the tree of memories even today sport a star on its top, even though the roots’ chain of production was reorganized many economic conditions ago?
But the door remains open and closed, it is a revolving door, glass and wood and motion like memory or a whim of dreams. And again it is there, the park, and the park’s morning’s edge, but now I’m coming from a direction that can no longer be described. As the messenger of so many good and bad wills I go below the clouds, toward Christmas and the millennium. A hundred black spots on the sooty snow, the initial congregation webbed frozen feet in the corridor of that congealed landscape. Not asking any questions, not singing. Is it I, or some predicted will that throws a rock at that innocent congregation of ducks. That trade union flapping away. But I did give the rock the name Luke, and thus I know that the deed was senseless, yet apostolic by nature.
And finally, the rock cleansed, Luke scrubbed clean of water, gravel and all the interpretations, the Christmas evangelist in my pocket, I am truly of the same opinion as wind and rain.
“You eyeless, wingless rock, why do you call her a sinner who with her tears wet Jesus’s feet, with her hair dried and finally anointed them with nard.”
“Perhaps that sinner’s profession was not healthy, but it certainly was old and merciful by nature. If she only nurtured love’s palest segment, it was a segment nevertheless.”
“She, who had been labeled a sinner, knew that you only need eyes to speak. And to touch, a smooth skin and a touch of another’s.”
But Luke in my pocket who knows everything remembers, again, that a rock’s only skill is its weight. And it would rise again to its flight without repeating its five theses:
1. If you don’t know what sense to use to knock on the labyrinth’s door, you have already reached the threshold of speech.
2. If you don’t remember that Easter sees Christmas you have dodged your lesson.
3. If you touch, touch wholly.
4. If you say, say everything, and out loud.
5. If you can’t figure out onto what fragile material’s back you should draw the heart line of your questions today,
you are already richer by many prickly silences.
The dog with the sad posture has already gone off on its trails, the rock is a rock again,
and no door is open or closed anymore.
And now as then, November was the month of death, but after November came December,
and Christmas,
and life continued, it continued like a strange fugue….
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